As children get older and gain more independence, it is necessary to allow them more agency in their own lives.  However, even teenagers need guidance in their agency – as demonstrated by this parent quote about working with her child to choose a secondary school:

“And I had a big talk with him and I said you know, going to a school following your friends, what does that look like with your academics?  And going to a new school where you are going to make new friends – what will that look like with your academics?... So we gotta make this choice now. So he was really thinking about it and he thought, yeah, why not? It’s good to face some new challenges.”

This parent confided to me that, when having this conversation with her son, she had already decided what school would be best for him.  However, she still allowed him to think critically about this decision and make it for himself.